Hello Everyone:

It has been over a year since I last wrote a journal entry, so I thought I would give an update on what God has been doing in my life.

In all ways I have found God to be faithful to me.

After returning last year in April, I had the pleasure of visiting many of you in person and sharing my story of Rwanda through a slideshow presentation. I hope those of you who had a chance to see it have some context about East Africa that will help you better understand and interpret what you hear about Rwanda and Congo as ongoing conflict and tribal tensions continues to appear in today’s news headlines. Even as news about a U.N. report was released a couple weeks ago about suspected genocide in Eastern Congo, I continue to learn more about Africa’s political conflicts and human tragedies from Congolese and Rwandan friends I have come to know since returning to the U.S. As I went through reentry at the time of my return, the internal processing that took place as I put together the slideshow helped me put events from the trip into context. In retrospect now, I remember how much my eyes and ears were opened to the reality of suffering and I realize the extent to which my worldview changed. I think it is safe to say, what stuck with me the most was feeling God’s heart for the oppressed, which I failed to realize before. I would like to take a few moments to discuss more about my thoughts on suffering, oppression and in justice in the context of Moses’ life, which have been stewing in my mind for a while.

As I thought about my own feelings of anger and powerlessness to respond to the injustice I saw and heard about, I began to ponder on Moses’ heartfelt, God-given desire for justice and freedom for his own people in Egypt during their captivity. How powerless he must have felt while starting his job of shepherding flocks in the backside of the desert, realizing his own strength and once powerful position could not stop the atrocities from taking place. What questions was in his mind as he pondered over why God allowed His own covenant people to be in bondage and why God allowed him to be aware of the injustice without provision to do anything about it? Did he wonder why he was the chosen Hebrew privileged to grow up in Pharaohs’ house and taste the luxuries of Egypt? Did he try to forget about the injustices he saw, when he realized at that time the extravagance he was privileged to experience was at the expense of his own kin? Did he ponder over the feeling of hopelessness realizing his power and influence fell far short of setting his people free? Did he feel guilt and shame thinking about the impulsive, failed attempt to make things right on his own terms and the rejection it cost him of both the Hebrews and Egyptians alike? These are the questions the Bible does not mention in the story of Moses. It amazes me how the Holy Spirit uses personal life experiences to interpret the things left unmentioned in the Bible to believers like you and me. As an American with great privilege and position in comparison to most Africans these are similar questions that have been in my mind.

Is there hope? Continuing from the story of Moses, God tells Moses that He has seen the plight of the Hebrews, His people, and is prepared to take action to set them free for his own glory. Moses might have been thinking in his mind, “I’ve already tried that and it didn’t work. I lost all credibility as a leader in the eyes of the Hebrews and the Egyptians. That was then, this is now. I’ve moved on and I am just fine with the way things are right now raising a family in the desert. I’m not going through this all over again.” Moses might have pressed those feelings of justice way down inside to be forgotten. When God is calling Moses out to go and proclaim freedom for the Hebrews on His behalf, it is almost as if God is saying, “I was the one that put the original desire for justice in your heart in the first place and now is the providential time for you to do it according to my plan, not your own.” How humbling it must have been for Moses to recall the past and realize the pride with which he acted beforehand.

The takeaway I observe from the story of Moses is: 1) righteous desires come from God; 2) God’s providential time is the right time to act; 3) in the mean time, the trials of keeping righteous desires alive through prayer until God’s provision is revealed works on my pride and self-sufficiency; and 4) God’s grace is available when we display unbelief and disobedience.

All these points challenge me to persevere in waiting for the Lord to indicate what he will do with the desires he has put in my heart. I never knew waiting could be so hard, especially when my own pride and self-sufficiency is being worked upon. I must say it is a confusing time, I think, because a lot of stuff is happening inside my life. Maybe I should put a sign around my neck, “Under Construction.” Scripture says, “even if we are faithless, He remains faithful, because he cannot disown himself.” It also says, “he who began a good work it you will be faithful to complete it.” Even in my failings toward God—frustration, anger, confusion, inpatients—grace is still there to bring me back into repentance and right relationship again. Look at Moses: God used a murderer to set His people free.

I have much more to say about the past year and how God has been working in and through my life, which I will share more about in my next report.