What I Learned About Myself, God and My Calling

In each learning stage, I not only learned about the people I observed, but I also began to discover things about myself I had not known before. From the onset, I desired to live as close to what the people lived day to day as I could. Since most Rwandans may only get one meal a day, on many occasions I would purposely eat a few pieces of bread and tea for breakfast and either skip lunch altogether or eat peanuts and water to hold me over until dinner. When I felt hungry and weak, it affected my concentration and my physical stamina to walk the hills in Kigali especially on a hot day. After subjecting myself to physical limitations, I began to understand Rwandans may not be as unproductive as westerners might assume, but wisely saving energy because they do not have much to eat.

I also learned about physical limitations caused by my back. Whether it be riding along a bumpy road or squeezing into an uncomfortable position in a pubic transport vehicle, I began to realize how scoliosis can cause sever discomfort when there is no other remedy except muscle relaxers. I also discovered the power of prayer when I was sick, lying in bed and unable to find a comfortable position. Singing songs to the Lord provided comfort when I was experiencing pain and illness. I realized his presence in a new way I had not known before especially when there was no other alternative for help.

By far the most impactful insight I gained about myself and God on the trip was how little control I have over my surroundings and how dependent I am upon God. No where was my dependency on God clearer than outside of Goma, Congo at the Internally Displaced Persons (IDP) camps. Congo is a country in central Africa with vast natural resource deposits. If managed properly, Congo would be one of the richest nations in Africa. Unfortunately, the many tribes grouped together within Congo’s boarders and even neighboring countries like Rwanda fight for control over the resources. As I saw the tremendous needs for food, clothing and shelter, I immediately began to think logistically how I could solve the problem. Immediately, I became overwhelmed with despair: there is no way to meet these people’s needs even if I could feed and cloth them all for one day; the problem would not be solved. The Holy Spirit reminded me how Philip must have felt when Jesus, pointing to the crowd of 5,000 hungry people in the wilderness, tested his faith by telling him, “you feed them[1].” I felt the weight Philip must have felt as he sized up the need and realized his lack of resources. Yet Jesus fed all 5,000 people with food left over.

I also felt similar sentiments as Habakkuk did in the Old Testament while I observed the injustice the people in the camps faced: “Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds[2].” I felt God asking me to trust him with his creation and to gain a greater perspective than what I saw with my eyes at that moment. God tells Habakkuk: “the LORD is in his holy temple; let all the earth be silent before him[3].” I am realizing through witnessing tragedies, such as the IDP camps, that God is in control and he will execute justice on the righteous and unrighteous alike in his time.

How Western Seminary Prepared Me for The Internship

Throughout the various periods of cultural and linguistic growth over the course of my internship, the tools I gained from Western Seminary helped me to adjust to the shock and growing pains I felt almost daily.

Don Smith’s “cultural onion” concept of behavioral, experiential, social authority and core layers of culture was a framework I utilized to evaluate and identify various functioning parts of Rwandan society. Whether it was identifying taboos like fornication or watching a rights-of-passage ceremony like marriage, I could begin documenting the observations I made; hypothesizing how each observation might interact together; and making corrections to my original hypothesis as I realized new input received by various dynamics I had not accounted for before, which created a different result than I expected. The example of Joelle taught me that fornication, even though accommodated by contemporary society, is still affected by norms established in the past. Asking clarifying questions was another correcting method, which helped me come to more accurate observations about the culture.

Applied Anthropology helped me to categorize and map out kinship charts. Terms such as Auntie and Uncle or Brother and Sister where used in several connotations among the Rwandans. By drawing a chart showing how family members identify one another and learning about the roles each one plays within the unit, I was better equipped to know how to relate and address numerous friends and family I met within the Inzu.

The ethnography I wrote in Applied Cultural Analysis assisted me in identifying effective data collection methods and formulating educated guesses as to what questions would produce the data I needed for understanding the culture. Previously writing an ethnography on the Portland Community Wind Band prepared me to discriminate between what data to save and discard. Obtaining direct quotes from Rwandans was difficult, because any information that could be discovered by government authorities which might be threatening could put the interviewees in danger. I ended up summarizing many conversations I had with people in my notes.

I appreciated the information about cultural entry and reentry stress given by Mary Wilder in Adapting Cross-Culturally. She drew a chart which described what kind of emotions might surface at different time periods during an overseas trip. The advice and descriptions she provided about the emotions people typically experience on the mission field most importantly gave me permission to feel the emotions I felt without having to be ashamed or think there was something wrong with me; I could persevere through the feelings of loneliness, hopelessness or confusion knowing that many people in the past experienced and survived similar feelings. I felt the concept I learned in class about cultural stress helped me to cope in Rwanda even when there were no other westerners around to sympathize with at the time.

In my efforts to help the people of Rwanda, I tried not to intervene with resources the people could not reproduce or access on their own, unless it was necessary. I remember in George Patterson’s class “Starting and Developing Churches,” he emphasized gearing down to the indigenous populations technological level to instruct them instead of using resources the people do not have access to or cannot afford. The process of familiarizing myself with what technology was available to the target culture—whether indigenous or provided by Embassies and NGOs—takes time and effort. I found, in the case of the YRG, the use of the U.S. Embassy cultural center’s library by the students I taught is sustainable and effective and meets their needs in learning English and American culture.

[1] John 6:5-7
[2] Habakkuk 1:3
[3] Habakkuk 2:20